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Remembered Feelings   
12:26pm 22/10/2002
 
mood: discontent
I wrote this on June 26th, 2002, but I'm having the same feelings today.........
So I've done it, I've moved back home to Cali. The funny thing is I've only been back for a week, and yet I wonder if I ever even left. I wonder if my 9 month move to Pennsylvania was actually just a dream. I'm back working the same 2 jobs I was so happy to leave, and in August I will start back up at the same school where I saw myself going nowhere. So I'm sitting here tonight wondering why just a couple of short weeks ago, I was so excited to come back here. I was excited to see all my friends, which I never realized could change so much. I was excited to see my home, which I never realized could change so little. When I was in Pennsylvania, I was so different. I had a part-time job, and would go out even though it wasn't always the best idea. I was unhappy. Well I thought so anyway. So if I was unhappy there, how come I feel more uncompounded here. I always thought being unhappy, and being depressed were the same, an yet I am discontent with saying that now. I am actually longing to have the feelings that I acquired in PA, here.		  
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Little bit of music.....   
11:24am 08/10/2002
 
mood: exanimate
Nice to Know You - Incubus

Better than watching Gellar bending silver spoons
Better than witnessing newborn nebulaes in bloom
She who sees from up high smiles and surely sings
Perspective pries your once weighty eyes and it gives you wings
I haven't felt the way I feel today
In so long it's hard for me to specify
I'm beginning to notice how much this feels
Like a waking limb, pins and needles, nice to know you
Goodbye, nice to know you
Goodbye, nice to know you
Deeper than the deepest Cousteau would ever go
And higher than the heights of what we often think we know
Blessed she who clearly sees the wood for the trees
To obtain a birds eye is to turn a blizzard to a breeze
I haven't felt the way I feel today
In so long it's hard for me to specify
I'm beginning to notice how much this feels
Like a waking limb, pins and needles, nice to know you
Goodbye, nice to know you
Goodbye, nice to know you
So could it be that it has been there all along?		  
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Frustration.........   
10:12pm 07/10/2002
 
mood: frustrated
music: Newfound Mass - Get up Kids
I'm sitting here trying to do my homework for english and actually get it in on time and then..... the website is down. All I can say is SHIT! This sucks!! Oh well, nothing I can do about it, now i'm just gonna study for my business test tomorrow, which I of course know little about so this extra time studying sure as hell can't hurt.
Out of school, nothing happened today. I had to be at work at 7, which I was 10 min. late, but thats nothing new, thats everyday for me. Luckily I work alone all morning and we don't open until 7:30, so I've gotten getting everything ready in 20 minutes down. Today of course was stupid people Monday. I swear I get the studpidest questions on Monday's. Not only that, the 80 billion hang-up's I keep getting on the phone, not like I'm not busy enough as it is.
Have a lot going through my head right now that involves actually a lot of things. Not in the mood to go into right now though, so I won't. Next time I will remember.		  
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Ok.......   
10:32pm 25/09/2002
 
mood: confused
music: Newfound Mass - Get Up Kids
Yup, I don't have anything to write. Today was a boring day. I was bad and didn't go to my math class tonight. I had absolutely no motivation to go, and I have no clue why. I watched a good movie today, its definitely one of my favorites. I've seen it before, but I forgot how absolutley good it is. It's called "Life as a House." Really, really good!! What else....What else....I'm in a weird state tonight, like i'm ever in a normal one, but tonight, I'm just in a mass state of confusion. The more confusing thing is if its worth even trying to figure out.....who knows......		  
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Math   
05:48pm 18/09/2002
  Ok I have a math test right now and I'm actually worried. For once in my life I care how I am doing in school. What is going on with me?  
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blah   
10:35pm 12/09/2002
 
mood: dorky
This is a journal entry about nothing. I have decided to try and update this thing at least once a day even if its about nothing. It prolly won't last long, but we'll see. Did you know Target is the best store ever. I went to get my sis a card today and was in there for another hour looking at all the cool shit they have there. School was boring. My three hour long class only lasted an hour though which made me really excited. Oh, note to myself to try and find frontpage 2002. That's about all I did today, oh except went out to lunch with Kristen which was fun. Today was just a good day because I didn't have to go to the job I hate. Yea for me. haha. OOOHH my question for today. Why is it that when your online and trying to avoid your ex's cuz ya know if ya talk to them its going to be bad, do they IM you and show you how much power they have over you!! ahhhh!!		  
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Questions.....   
02:46pm 11/09/2002
  My first entry in here, and its sad. I can't really explain the thoughts going through my head right now, I just feel I need to think. To put it all bluntly, I'm lonely right now. I sit watching a stupid love story movie of course and I wonder if things ever really happen like that. Do you really find your true love? Is it possible to feel something in your heart that overwhelms your entire body each and every time your with that person? To some I guess it is true, but the thing I guess that makes me lonely and cry the most is that I don't know if I will ever find a love like that. People can say you will in time, but no one really knows. I just wonder that if the feelings I have in my dreams, can ever become real........  
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lis530
 
 

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